“Dad, when will I know I am a grown-up?“

My son asked me this question recently. “Dad, when will I know I am a grown-up?” I took a moment to consider the nature of the question, the contents of his mind, and how to formulate an answer that he could understand. He’s 10 and can see before him a world of action, new thoughts, dangers, and choices so it feels natural that he might be reflecting on the changes his body is going through and realizing that his experience moving forward will and perhaps ought to be different that what it has been in the past. 

There are a lot of poorly formulated answers to my son’s question out there. Some people say that a boy becomes a man when he has sex for the first time. Others when he has his first beer. Others when he gets in his first fight. Others say you become a man when you earn your first dollar. Others still when he falls in love. As my son’s father, I wanted to give him a better answer, one that I could parent with and one that would serve him beyond a single act or a relationship to others.  I rooted my answer in the basis of what it means to be a man and told him this. A grown-up has nothing to do with what you do or how old you are. A grown-up is someone who takes full responsibility for his own mind, his own body, and his own values or soul. There is no such thing as the freedom to be irresponsible for these things, mind, body, and soul. A person who irresponsibly drinks, has sex, throws tantrums, ignores reality, and values worthless things is a fool and fools are worse than children. 

Responsibility for Body

To take responsibility for your body means to act as if your body is your own and not anyone else’s. A grown-up, that is someone who takes responsibility for their body, has nothing to do with drunkenness, sexual immorality, gluttony, or laziness. A grown-up pays attention to hygiene and fashion. A grown-up brushes their teeth, combs their hair, wears deodorant, and takes care of their clothes. A grown-up takes responsibility for their own laundry, makes their bed, and cleans their plates after meal-time. A grown-up is not someone who lets others take on this responsibility for them. This isn’t to say that a grown-up doesn’t let others do these things for him, though you should probably be the one who brushes your own teeth. It means that if someone else takes on any of these responsibilities for a grown-up, the grown-up is still the one responsible. They hire, fire, and own the outcomes of their realm of need. A grown-up never permits someone else to use any part of their body as if it was theirs by right. This is the mindset of a slave and a slave is not a grown-up. 

Responsibility for Mind

To take responsibility for your mind means to acts of if the contents of your mind, your thoughts and beliefs, are yours and yours alone. A grown-up, that is someone who takes responsibility for their mind, has nothing to do with group-think, flattery, lying, deceit, irrationality, logical fallacies, or evasions of the mind. A grown-up pays attention to his attention and focuses on what matters. He is curious and never criticizes the world for the way it is. He simply tries to understand it and never lets anyone else for any reason stand between him and his judgement. He accepts reality for what it is and knows that his responsibly is to properly identify its nature and why things are the way they are. A grown-up reads books, asks questions, gathers information, and makes assessments. A grown-up is humble before reality empathizes with others, and seeks to understand before seeking to be understood. A grown-up of the mind is patient with himself and does not follow the crowd. A grown-up may ask “What do you think?” He asks for feedback and seeks to give it as well but never substitute the feedback of others for the truth. Grown-ups of the mind are fair judges, competent engineers, architects, chefs, scientists, fathers, and philosophers. They help us all see the truth.

Responsibility for Soul

To take responsibility for your soul means to act is if your values are your own, there to guide you to life, liberty, and happiness. A grown-up, that is someone who takes responsibility for their soul, has nothing to do with those who act as if anything goes. He cares about justice, truth, utility, and the requirements for his own life. He knows that many things that are valuable don’t have a price, like his soul, and never seeks to sell it or take from others their values by force. A man who owns his soul is a trader who only permits two modes of interacting with others. If someone else has something he wants, he makes an offer to buy it with real value. If successful, he buys it. If unsuccessful, he accepts the reality that he cannot have it. He does not throw a temper tantrum and resists the temptation to steal, trespass, or violate his fellow man’s right to their body and their mind. A grown-up therefore lives by this oath, “I swear, by my life and my love of it, I will not live for the sake of another man nor ask another man to live for mine.

These three components, mind, body, and soul, are what make up a man and are the markers of someone becoming a grown-up. Each are essential and none can be discarded. A grown-up knows that any sacrifice of either is unacceptable to his life. His body without his mind is lost. His body without his soul is dead. His mind without his body is a ghost. His mind without his soul is blind. His soul without his body is a tyrant. His soul without a mind is a slave. He knows that none of these states of existence, confusion, death, blindness, tyranny, slavery, or ghoulishness fails to achieve the purpose of life, life itself. Therefore, a man is one who takes responsibility for, provides for, and protects all three from all threats against them. This is what it means for a man to love his nature, love his world, and love himself. 

The Path to Becoming a King

As my father’s son, I know that if he takes responsibility for his body, mind, and soul, he will become a man and perhaps reach the status of a king. A king is a man who expands the expression of his ownership beyond his physical body to the land around him by possessing that land and utilizing it in support of his values by the power of his mind. He has all the blessings of the world precisely because and only because he submits to the world as it is, not as he wishes it to be. Unlike those who attempt to grow up by second-hand actions such as having sex, drinking beer, working, or getting married, a king has all these things because he is king of his own mind, body, and soul first. Instead of being ruled by sex, food, possessions, comforts, and fame, the king places these things under the domain of that which made him king, wisdom and responsibility. This is what is meant when king Jesus said “seek first the kingdom of God (which is within you) and all these things will be given to you.” A king is wise, humble before reality, that is humble before God the Father, and submits to the nature of reality better than anyone else around him. His kingdom of light, that is of rational thought and moral values, casts out all darkness of absurdity and malice. He imprisons evil men to the confines of their own body and punishes those who use their minds and bodies to separate others from their body, mind, and soul. Just like no person is grown up until he or she takes responsibility for their mind, body, and soul, no person can be king unless he expands his kingdom by these same principles. No one who does good need fear the king. Those who do good will love him. No one who does evil will escape the king. Those who do evil will rage against him. 

As my father’s son, I want him to know that this is the meaning of the phrase, “The kingdom of God is within you.” This kingdom expands from within a man outward. It is not a place first and foremost. It is an integrated person whose outward appearances gives shape to an inward reality. A my father’s son, I pray he become the king of his own life first and that he has the courage, wisdom, and will to expand his across the whole earth. 

Summary and Conclusion:

In the end, I want my son to understand that maturity is a journey of embracing responsibility across all facets of his being—his body, mind, and soul. It's not marked by any singular event or external milestone but by a consistent commitment to self-governance and integrity. By taking ownership of these elements, he will not only navigate his path to adulthood with clarity but also cultivate the wisdom and strength to lead a life of meaning and respect. As he grows and faces the world, I hope he carries this understanding with him, striving to become not just a man, but a true sovereign of his own existence. This, I believe, is the essence of becoming a grown-up and eventually, a king of his own life.

Application for All Who Aspire to Live

The choice to take responsibility is a fundamental power available to everyone. It begins with simple acts—like making your bed—and extends to all aspects of your life. The path to embracing this responsibility is open to anyone willing to walk it, and resources like Jordan Peterson’s *12 Rules for Life* can offer valuable guidance. By starting with small, actionable steps, you lay the foundation for deeper, more comprehensive ownership of your life.

Courage is equally available to all, yet it is often tested by those who seek to undermine your journey towards personal sovereignty. Many will attempt to corrupt you, preferring to dominate rather than see you become the true ruler of your life. It is crucial to resist these attempts and remain steadfast in your pursuit of responsibility and integrity.

A particularly glaring expression of this domination is found in the current global monetary system and the governing institutions of the world. To truly rule your own life, you must reject the chains of debt, for the debtor is the servant to the lender. Banks and governments use deceit, confusion, and coercion to expand their control, ensnaring individuals in a web of financial obligations. As a king of your own life, you must challenge and nullify these claims on your body, mind, and soul, asserting your independence from these fabricated constraints.

For example, I have established my domain on 8 acres of land, ensuring I have the resources to sustain myself independently from others. By questioning the legitimacy of debt and refusing to be bound by its terms, I am confronting the darkness of deceit with the light of truth and justice. Should the banks and governments attempt to encroach upon my property or my person, they will face the sword of self-defense for I “do not wield the sword in vain.” (Romans 13:4-7) Success in this struggle will signify the beginning of my kingdom's expansion, asserting my sovereignty over the entire world.

 

Of course, this means that there are some 10 years olds that are more grown-up than some 50 year olds!