Childlike Trust: A cure for clinging

 A counterintuitive lesson I’ve learned as a parent is the benefits of not be goal oriented. Since so many of us (myself included) consider being goal oriented as one of the 10 commandments of life, let me explain my insight.

My kids think they know what they want but they don’t know what they really need. This isn’t a negation of who they are. They are simply unaware of what I can provide them and what is actually good for them. This is the nature of being a kid. You simply don’t know what goals are good and which goals are bad. If my kids were to become “goal oriented”, they would fix their minds on an outcome and attempt to manipulate the situation to get that thing. Their happiness would be dictated by how much ice cream they ate and how many cartoons they watched. They would love me for providing these things for them and resent me for not providing them. Is this the path to their happiness? 

A few years ago, I told my kids that they could ask me for anything but if I said no, they had to respond with acceptance and curiosity. I taught them this phrase. “Ok. I understand. But why?” Now they are some of the most grateful, happy, wise kids I know. They are more bold in asking me for things and hardly disappointed when I say no. Such an environment gives them the gift of knowing the love of their father and at the same time, it makes me want to surprise and delight them. It creates an environment of trust where I can explain what I see as the best thing for them, which in turn allows them to learn wisdom, discipline, and self-control.

As an adult I believe I know what I want, but I don’t always know what I need. Even though I’m blind to what’s possible, I can be so committed to an outcome that I’m unwilling to accept something better. If things don’t go according to my plans, can I trust the universe, my higher power, my Heavenly Father, or Divine Love (however I want to describe it) to give me what is best? Am I willing to say “Ok. I understand. But why?” Am I willing to grow in trust and wisdom instead of just clinging to adult versions of cartoons and ice cream? Am I willing to be happy in all circumstances, knowing my Heavenly Father loves me and there is nothing he can’t do?

I have been able to provide this gift of security and trust to my children. May I be willing to accept this same gift for myself.

“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’” Matthew 18:3